The elephant trumpeted. It slapped a banknote of 20,000 ForestLeaves on my blistered palm.
"Please make haste. Thousands of children are waiting."
I strained to hear her reply. Mind communication magic isn't simple.
His appearances do not fulfill my standards, came the whispery explanation.
I threw up my hands. What??!! And here I thought you were brewing up a nice new ending for those bored children. Who knew---it was---for your personal preferations--- I sputtered. Fine, now. I threw my hands up again in disgust. Wait for a handsomerrrrrr lad to come hither.
Wait!! Snow White's voice rang out desperately in my mind. Please. He's.... really not ugly enough, Snow White wept. My eyes widened in irony.
Not.... ugly enough?! I was genuinely perplexed now.
Yes..... help me find him.... my one.... true love....
"Ahaaaaa, yon couple has finally met! It was already a destined fate," exclaimed a voice. Heavy thumps of footsteps reveberated throughout the forest that had been serenely calm just a few milliseconds ago. The elephant grinned. "I hereby declare you wedded! Now, to proceed with your highly anticipated i dos....."
"WHAT?!! WE'RE MARRIED?! SINCE WHEN?!" Snow White shouted. She was standing upright in her coffin. Splintered pieces of glass lay everywhere. Now how did I miss that?
I stood dazed for a second, but not for long. "Oh! My damsel. So you've awoken, now? Elephant is ugly enough for you?" I, The Expert At Regaining Composure and The Awesomest in Returning to my Jibe-Loving Self, jibed. But playfully.
"No." Said Snow White. Frowning Elephant was noticeably pacified. "But you are."
"There you are!" Exclaimed Elephant, delighted. "You can keep the money, Agent 003. And you now even have a fair maiden's hand...."
Thus Ogre 003 and Snow White lived happily, ever, after. And until today, they are still the most achieved Hero and Heroine in fairy tale history...... the married fictional couple that cured hundreds of children of devouring boredom, pulled millions of teenagers and adults out of chronic depression, and introduced rainbow colours into the human world.